“Breaking News”


For the past week and a half all I heard on the news was about Paris Hilton. Her face was plastered on every news channel and talked about on almost every radio station; CNN, Fox, MSNBC, ABC news, and other news networks. What has she done to garner all this attention? Five years ago, if you asked me what I thought of Paris Hilton my response would be, “Who the fuck is Paris Hilton?” The air-time that Paris Hilton got almost rivaled that of the death of Pope John Paul II a couple of years ago. What a shame.

I would be sitting at home watching a segment on something interesting or watching good old fashion newsworthy news and then suddenly I get, “BREAKING NEWS!” A Hispanic woman in an undisclosed location sweating and catching her breath announcing what I thought would be some sort of incredible news, but it turns out to be, “I just got word. Paris Hilton is crying in the court room. I repeat, crying in the court room.” How is this news?! Unless her tears cure cancer then I don’t think it deserves to be announced.

For the next couple of hours the “BREAKING NEWS” screens would appear every 15 minutes or so about Paris Hilton.

“Breaking news – Paris Hilton is getting into a car”

“Breaking news – Paris Hilton is going back to jail”

“Breaking news – Paris Hilton is taking a dump”

“Breaking news – Correction- Paris Hilton is actually taking a piss”

Is she hot? Yes. Would I do her? Given that she’s diseased-free, in a heartbeat. So she acted in a couple of B movies, sang a few songs, and prance around in front of cameras. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I think my toe nail clippings have more talent than her. One good thing that came out of this is that they’re not reporting news about Rosie O’Donnell. At least Paris Hilton is easy on the eyes. Rosie is more like a beached Beluga whale that somehow sprouted feet.

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